hobby

i'd like to make a hobby of going to job interviews but bullshitting my way through them.

interviewer -'so squirrel chaser, tell me about yourself, what you are all about'
me- 'well i learned a lot while i was in vietnam'
int- 'you travelled around vietnam?'
me' 'uuhh no, i was in the war'
int- 'the war? how old are you'
me- '33'
int-' well that would make it impossible for you to have been in the vietnam war'
me- 'are you saying that i went and did all of that for nothing, sure there were people screaming stuff but you never know who the enemy is'

another good time could be had explaining the gaps of time between jobs

interviewer 'so it says here that between sept 2002 and now you haven't been employed anywhere. what have you been doing
me- 'well i've had a few health problems that have kept me out of the workforce, i was bed ridden for 4 months'
int -'sounds serious'
me- 'yeah it was. horrible case of razor burn'
int -silence
me-' sure people come to visit you and bring you flowers and jello puppets but in the end they all want you to roll over and drop them so that they can get a look. some people are very insensitive'
int -more silence
me- 'the worst was last year. i was very sick. you know you hear doctors saying all the time that the worst place for a man to gain weight is around his waist as it can lead to numerous health problems'
int- 'yes'
me- 'well they're wrong. the worst place to gain a lot of weight is in the scrotum'
int - very very quiet
me -'lost my wife over that one. no matter how much i tried it wouldn't work'