fart

i farted and the missus said 'oh you just shat yourself'. i didn't. it was a clean fart but obviously something was lost in translation. what was a normal clean fart to me was a messy liquid shitty fart to her. this bothered me because after all of these years she still didn't know my asshole and the only way that she was going to learn was for her to hear the sound of me shitting myself.