Friday, March 19, 2010
cat
sometimes i wonder if i would take my cat more seriously if he wore glasses. then again a cat chasing a dried leaf will always be a cat chasing a dried leaf regardless of it wearing glasses. mind you i would feel more comfortable with his driving.
ice
i was on my way out and as i went down our stairs i saw this lady on the road pulling herself up. as i walked over i could tell that she wasn't doing too well.
'are you ok' i asked her.
'no' she said 'i banged my head. there's black ice over there'.
i didn't know what race had to do with this but i figured her head was in a bad way.
'do you need help?' i asked. her eyes were all watery and her jacket was covered in slush.
'no, no. i think i'll be ok' she said.
'ok then' i said 'i hope you feel better'.
as i walked away i began to think about what i would have actually done if she said that she needed help. i guess i could have brought her home and made her a cup of tea and gave her a bag of frozen peas for her head. i think it would have been a very awkward situation. it's always weird having a stranger in your house and even weirder being in a strangers house. then there would have been that really awkward moment when she asked 'why do you have so many chainsaws?'
'are you ok' i asked her.
'no' she said 'i banged my head. there's black ice over there'.
i didn't know what race had to do with this but i figured her head was in a bad way.
'do you need help?' i asked. her eyes were all watery and her jacket was covered in slush.
'no, no. i think i'll be ok' she said.
'ok then' i said 'i hope you feel better'.
as i walked away i began to think about what i would have actually done if she said that she needed help. i guess i could have brought her home and made her a cup of tea and gave her a bag of frozen peas for her head. i think it would have been a very awkward situation. it's always weird having a stranger in your house and even weirder being in a strangers house. then there would have been that really awkward moment when she asked 'why do you have so many chainsaws?'
driving to work I saw this dead raccoon on the side of the road. he had been there 2 mornings in a row. He was smiling. He looked like he liked being dead.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
parallel
i would like to visit our parallel universe but i wouldn't send any postcards cause it would be like getting a postcard from here and no one would believe me. 'wish you were here. well you are but it's not really here it's there- J'.
genes
they have genetically modified corn. it's a rather controversial subject. i think a more controversial topic will be genetically modified tulips. they will look like regular tulip bulbs but instead of them flowering, pit-bulls dressed like Liberace on a coke and cock binge will jump out. 'i hate spring. those fucking liberace pit bulls ate my cat last year'.
confession
i'm into auto non erotic asphxiation. it involves me sitting at the bus stop with a belt tied around my neck. sometimes i even feed the birds.
